How To Stop Your Email From Killing You

July 15, 2016 By John T Mason Leave a Comment

You likely work where email is the number one way that people like to communicate. In fact, it’s estimated that there are over 200 billion email messages sent each day across the world, with the majority of those being in the context of business! If each of these emails were printed out individually, that would be a stack of paper over 12,000 miles high, every day! It’s no wonder that people feel like they are drowning in email.

One of the most common questions I get from folks who have seen my email inbox is “how to you do that?” If you were to stop by my desk and look at my inbox, you would see that I have less than a handful of emails at any one time. While my goal isn’t ‘Inbox Zero’, I do have a personal goal of not having to scroll my inbox up or down to see my current messages. To do that, I have to be pretty disciplined and use the tools at hand to my advantage.

You might be wondering what this has to do with leadership. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, leadership requires you to be present for your team, and if you are overwhelmed with your inbox, and answering emails all day, you aren’t able to spend time with the team when you need to. So, while this isn’t directly about leadership, it is an important skill if you want to improve your time management and set an example for the rest of your team.

Email was invented in 1972 as a way to transmit a message from one computer to another. Eventually, it became an easy way to replace the common practice of typing a memorandum (memo), which was often dictated to an assistant, typed on a manual typewriter, and then sent through interdepartmental courier. If you’ve ever used one of those yellow envelopes with a string closure and a line for you to write your name and where to deliver, you were using a relic of the memo days.

As email became more ubiquitous, the memo fell out of favor, and people found it was much easier to send an electronic message to someone, and get a more instant response. Eventually, email even started to replace making a phone call. Frankly, it can be a lot easier to send an email and wait on a reply than to have to get into a protracted conversation with the person on the other end of the line. Plus, you don’t need to worry about whether the memo got lost in transit.

But, unfortunately, email became more than a “memo” and more like instant messaging for business. And, as the smartphone gained prominence, there grew to be an expectation that you were checking your email constantly, and would respond as soon as you saw the message. How many times have you gotten a call from someone asking if you saw their email, which they just sent? Maddening!

This growing expectation of constant access, and the burden of coming to work each day and looking at an overly full inbox finally got to me about 5 years ago. I decided that I had to do something, and quickly. Like everyone else, I had a multitude of folders, each labeled for a specific project, for a sender, or even for a one time idea. I realized the number one reason I had an overflowing mailbox was because I was too busy (or maybe too lazy) to take the time to move the emails to the right folder (notice that they look like manila folders?), so they just stacked up.

Then one day, I read an article that changed the way I viewed email forever. The father of Inbox Zero, Merlin Mann, wrote that we should view emails like a peanut shell. When you eat a peanut, you don’t take what’s left over (the shell) and try to file it away neatly based on when you ate it, who you were with, or how you felt that day. When you eat the peanut, the shell is a leftover, and you should throw it on the floor. The same goes for email.

Of course, you can’t just delete every email. (well, I guess you could) So what to do? I created a single folder in my email system that EVERY email was moved to once I had worked it. (Mine is labeled with the year and the word ‘Filed’) It was scary at first, because I was sure I would never be able to find what I needed quickly later. But, with a little practice using the search feature in Outlook, I could find anything I wanted. It was all still there, it just wasn’t filed away in small, bit sized chunks like was I used to.

But, my email process has evolved over the years since, and I have a few handy tools, and tricks that I use to make my email life easier. Here are a few you might want to consider.

Rules – I use rules like they were candy. I have a rule for nearly everything, with the goal being to have the system do my sorting and decisioning instead of me. Some rules that I run today include:
- High Priority – These are emails that are either marked High Priority, or come from certain people or groups. These need to be pulled out from the mix and highlighted so I see them quickly.
- Carbon Copy – This is the classic “CYA” rule. Everybody knows that the reason they created a Carbon Copy (yes, it used to be a copy of a memo created by using a piece of carbon paper) was to make sure you were aware of something, not to create an action for you. All CC emails go to this folder, and I check it about once a week. (important: if your team has had a habit of copying you on emails, with an expectation you do something, be sure to warn them before you implement this rule!)
- Blind Carbon Copy – The secret email. You know, the one they want you to know about, but don’t want others to know you know! I move all BCC emails here so I don’t accidentally insert myself into a conversation that I am not really supposed to know about!
- Delete Rules – There are a number of emails that I get that, frankly, I just don’t care about. While I could block them by marking them as Junk, they don’t fit the bill for Junk emails, so I need to just delete them. For example, I used to get a lot of “system outage” messages that really didn’t pertain to me. I trained the rules to delete certain emails, or emails with certain words, so I didn’t ever have to see them.
- Function Rules – There are a few emails that I get that are specific to my job. For example, I am part of a few distribution lists that can be seen as ‘high priority’ for me, even though the email itself might not be marked as high priority. For those, I create a rule that places these emails into a special folder that corresponds to that role.
Special Need Folders – These folders come in handy for items where I might need to access information quickly and not have to search for things. This is very similar to the old method of a folder for every type of email, but really is limited to just a few special folders. And example of a folder I have created includes:
- Travel – This is a special folder that I use to move all my travel related emails into when I get them. Airline confirmations, hotel reservations, and other travel related information goes here until after the trip, then I move it to the big folder. I put it here just to make it quick and easy when I’m standing at a counter to find the documents I need.
Once a Year Folders – For my main folder where I move all emails once I’ve worked them, I create a new one each year. This is more of a system thing, and makes searching go a lot faster. The bigger the file, the longer to index and search over time.
SaneBox – This is a new tool for me, and has proven to be worth it’s weight in gold. SaneBox is a service you can subscribe to that does some of the front end processing for you. It learns what you think is important, and moves emails to a “SaneLater” folder so that you can worry about these lower priority items later. It also has some other great features like allowing you to remove the email and resend it to you tomorrow, next week, or even next month. If it’s not that important, let SaneBox send it back to you when you tell it to.
Processing – There are all kinds of differing opinions on how to process your email. Some suggest that you only read and respond to email a couple times a day. Others tell you that even once a day is ok. For me, that just didn’t work. But, when I do process email, I do it with a vengeance. I look at emails and act on them, forward them as a delegation, or delay them no more than a day or so. The best part about this is, when I do act on an email, I immediately move it from the Inbox to my main storage folder along with all the other thousands of emails. Out of sight, out of mind. Act and move on.
Junk Mail – Outlook has a pretty good Junk Mail filter that seems to catch a large majority of the emails that are truly junk. However, it seems that emails can still get through. One of the bigger culprits of emails that don’t seem to get caught by Junk Mail are newsletters. These are things I might have signed up for at some time, but now wish I wouldn’t get. I try to ‘unsubscribe’ to the various newsletters that I no longer want by clicking on the ‘unsubscribe’ link at the bottom of the email. This takes some time and doesn’t always work flawlessly, but if you are persistent, it does make a difference. Also, now that I am using SaneBox, you can just drag emails you no longer want to a folder called @SaneBlackHole and they will do the unsubscribe work for you. So far it seems to work like a charm.

So, there you have it. While I know there are likely other great tools and techniques out there, this is what I use to make my email experience less of a burden. For me, having a list of emails that I have to look through every day (even though I have already worked on them) felt like I was never out from under the pressure. Just working the emails, and getting them out of my inbox, made a huge difference in how I felt, and the sense of accomplishment went way up once I got it under control.

If you want to get started, here is my biggest suggestion. Pick a date (maybe two weeks old), and move ALL of the emails older than that into a single folder (nows a great time to start that 2016 folder) and let them go. If you need them, you can find them, but you likely won’t. Once you have a manageable number of emails you can work with, get started creating rules and let the system do the work for you. You will be glad you did!

If you have any other great techniques for managing your email, share them with the group. We’d love to hear what you do as well.

4 Reasons You Need To Quit Taking Leadership Selfies

July 14, 2016 By John T Mason Leave a Comment

The other night, I was in line at a favorite restaurant waiting to order and watched a young lady (probably high school age) in the line in front of me take at least 10 ‘selfies’ in a matter of 5 minutes as she waited to order her food. She was relentless, taking a variety of photos at different angles, different directions, all the time going from a straight face to an amazing, yet obviously fake smile. She was with a young man, probably a date, but would stop her conversation with him to pose for the camera on regular, and somewhat awkward moments.

The process was the same each time. She would raise her phone up, check her hair and surroundings, and suddenly turn on a perfect smile before she clicked the button. As soon as the picture was taken, her face went deadpan, and she was back to her normal affect. It was actually quite interesting to watch how quickly she could set up the perfect picture and face, and then return to her ‘normal’ self.

Now, in case you think this is just a rant about the self-obsessed, narcissistic younger generation, let me assure you it’s not. In fact, watching the young lady that day made me think of some of the issues we face as leaders. Faced with an organization that is constantly watching every move we make, ever word we utter, and every decision that goes wrong, we can become obsessed in making sure we control what people see and feel. We spend as much time as possible making sure that we give the right impression to the organization.

Just like this young lady who was obsessed in making sure that what people saw was only the best part of her, and giving the impression that she had everything together, we fret over the persona we portray.

It’s easy to see why the young lady obsesses so much with her selfies, and makes sure each one is perfect. According to research, there are an estimated one million selfies taken every day across the globe, pretty evenly distributed between men and women. For people between the ages of 18 and 24, nearly 1/3 of ALL the photos taken by them are selfies! And with this self obsession comes some disturbing trends. Around 50% of 18-24 year olds have admitted to taking a selfie while driving, and the prevalence of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), while affecting a small percentage of the population, is exacerbated by the abundance of selfies being taken. Self obsessed, you bet!

Yet, despite all the negatives about selfies, what can’t be overlooked is the power that social media, and selfies hold. For example, in 2014, a United Kingdom Cancer Research organization launched a ‘selfie campaign’ called “No Makeup Selfie”. During this campaign, women posted selfies of themselves without makeup across the globe. That campaign doubled the number of searches for cancer awareness during that month, and the organization grossed $12.5 million in contributions. Self obsession actually does pay sometimes!

As I watched the young lady fret over her image, I could only imagine how we must look sometimes to those we lead. We can easily become self obsessed, worrying about every word choice, wardrobe decision and and our worth to the organization. Just like that young lady, we grow more deeply focused on our ‘leader selfie’ than we do actually leading and moving the organization ahead. In some ways, we’ve developed our own version of BDD, which you could call ‘Leadership Dysmorphic Disorder’ (LDD).

LDD could be characterized by an overarching concern with how you come across to your organization. Whether it’s making sure you say the ‘right’ things, get to know the ‘right’ people or even making sure that your office projects the right image as a leader, you may have developed LDD. This can go so far as to make sure that your chair is always sitting higher than the people you meet with in your office, or displaying all the correct credentials on your wall to ensure that people know you have the necessary skills and education to hold the position. Of course, none of this is wrong on its face, but when it becomes more important than the relationships you develop, you might have crossed over into LDD. When you cross that line, you will find yourself emotionally isolated and extremely distrustful to those around you. And, the slightest perceived injustice will likely cause you to get angry quickly.

What if you’re not sure if you have LDD? What can you do to find out before you go and make any changes to your style? Here are a few things to look for that might be a sign you are suffering from LDD and need to make some changes:

You sense your team doesn’t tell you everything – Now, don’t get me wrong. Team members aren’t likely to tell you everything that goes on in the organization, but they should feel comfortable enough with you to tell you things that you need to hear, or things that might affect your success and the success of the organization. If you ask questions about how things are going, and always seem to get an ‘everything’s fine’ response, that’s a sign there are things you aren’t hearing. People don’t trust someone who is self-focused, and will likely avoid telling bad news, for fear of retribution or anger.
You worry that you might say the ‘wrong thing’ – It’s always a good idea to think through the impact of your words as a leader. What you say can definitely have negative consequences if you aren’t clear in what you want to say, or use the wrong words inadvertently. However, if you feel the need to think through every interaction, and find yourself agonizing over just the right word in more mundane discussions, you are hiding your real self. People can see right through a leader who is over measured in their words, and will immediately become suspicious and less likely to respond positively.
You have a sense of entitlement – You have worked hard to get where you are in the organization, so don’t you deserve some special treatment? On some accounts, I would say you are right. As a leader, you know things that others don’t, and are actually held to a higher standard in many ways. But, when you start to see others as not as deserving as you, or feel like you need to get special treatment in your daily routine, you are quickly approaching LDD. You have ‘dysmorphed’ yourself from a team member, to someone who is above those you lead.
Your decisions are usually based on your needs and not the organization – It’s easy to justify this one, isn’t it?After all, you are the leader of an organization, and the expectation is that you will do what is right for the organization above all else. However, when those decisions start to come easy for you, and the needs of the individuals on your team take second seat to the organization at every turn, or your desires drive your decision to the exclusion of others, you have crossed over.

If you’ve found yourself with your own version of LDD, it’s time to start being yourself again. In fact, just being yourself as a leader has a number of benefits that will ultimately make you better at what you do, improve the morale of the team, and even improve employee engagement. Here are just a few of the benefits of being your genuine self:

Employee engagement rises – If you suffer from LDD, you are likely more focused on yourself than your team. That’s just a fact. However, the more narcissistic you become, the more disengaged the team becomes. In fact, in one 2009 study by Florida State University of over 1,200 employees, there was a high correlation to a narcissistic leader and the toxicity of the organization they lead. In this study, 31% indicated they felt their leader exaggerated accomplishments to look good in front of others, and 25% said that their boss had an inflated view of themselves. Of those surveyed, those with narcissistic leaders reported lower levels of job satisfaction and engagement, and higher levels of stress on the job. LDD definitely lowers employee engagement.
Self confidence increases – According to Sigmund Freud, narcissistic personality disorder is a pervasive disorder characterized by self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and an exaggerated sense of self-importance. But, the more narcissistic you become, the less confidence you actually gain in your daily dealings, leading you to be even more self centered. Psychiatrists will tell you that despite the outward facing sense of confidence and superiority lies a fragile self-esteem that is extremely vulnerable to the slightest criticism, so each interaction leads to additional stress, and reduced confidence that you can meet the expectation of others. When you rid yourself of self-centeredness, you will actually see your confidence in your abilities rise, and improve the relationships of those around you.
Relationships improve – Both personally and professionally, the more focused you are on yourself, the less focused you can be on others. Studies have shown that people in a relationship with someone narcissistic in nature tend to be more likely to engage in manipulative and game playing behaviors as a way of protecting themselves from the narcissist. They are also seen to be much less committed to the relationship. So, in the work environment, you are likely getting less than the full story from your team, and they are certainly much less committed to you, and thus the organization. When you get over your LDD, you will actually find the quality of your relationships getting better, and commitment getting stronger.
Performance improves – According to research by San Diego State University of over 16,000 students, those who tend toward narcissistic, over confident behaviors are more likely to do poorly in their studies and more likely to drop out. This is because they had an overinflated view of themselves and their abilities, and thus didn’t feel the need to study or work hard to attain their goals. In the same way, leaders who tend to be overly confident in their abilities (ironically due to their lack of confidence in their abilities) are more likely to put less effort into their work, and blame others when things don’t go well. As a leader, if you can move away from your LDD, you will likely need to put more effort into your work, and will use the improved relationships to get work done across the team.

If you find yourself taking virtual ‘selfies’ in front of your organization, its important you find out why, and then work to make changes. No one, especially your team, is served by you putting on your best face at all times. People want to work for leaders who are genuine in their behaviors, honest in their relationships and focused on the good over everyone. No one likes to work for a self-centered leader. Ultimately, being yourself is what you owe your team and your organization. No one is well served when the real you isn’t present.

Do you find yourself worrying more about how you say things, how you look, or how you project yourself than you team? Do you suffer from LDD? If so, what can you do to change this?

So You Want To Sell To The CIO?

July 11, 2016 By John T Mason 1 Comment

Selling to the CIO of an organization is big business. With budgets in the millions of dollars, influence on an organization growing every year, and the impact to operations front and center, organizations who offer services and products know that influencing the CIO can make or break their business. But, for you to reach the CIO and get their attention and interest, there are some things that don’t work, a some that do.

I can tell you from experience that a good majority of technology companies are failing in their efforts to reach the CIO today. If my inbox and voicemail are any indication, there are way more opportunities than there is time, and the cacophony of voices is just blending into one steady hum of noise. But, despite evidence that shows that cold calling just doesn’t work in this industry, the companies keep trying. In fact, companies have gotten so persistent that they risk alienating the very person they want to develop a relationship with.

This post isn’t a rant. In fact, it’s intended as a help to those of you who are involved in the sales process. With a myriad of great products and services out there, the last thing you want to do is make it to ‘the list’; the list of those companies that a CIO just won’t deal with.

First, let me share a few real world examples of how NOT to market to the CIO. In reality, these are ways that you shouldn’t market to anyone, but as a CIO, my time is limited and my attention span short. Here are the things that definitely don’t work:

The random ‘follow up’ email – You know the one. The email goes out with the first name of the CIO, and acts as if we’ve talked before and you are ‘following up’ from a prior conversation. 99% of the time, I’ve never heard of the company, the sales person or in some cases, the product they are selling. While there is a Junk folder in my email, you’re are only forcing me to look at one more email and move it so I won’t see emails from you again.
The ‘White Paper’ offer – The internet is a wonderful communication tool, and the things you can learn as you research are endless. Many companies choose to offer various white papers and documents that touch on important and interesting topics. But, in many cases, there’s a hitch. If you want to read this paper, you need to give them all of your contact information. Nine times out of ten, that is enough to turn me away because I don’t want the forthcoming onslaught of emails, cold calls and guilt trips that come with it. In fact, just tonight on LinkedIn, I saw someone who mentioned that they didn’t want to download an Executive Briefing about IT Strategy because of the amount of information required to access it. Share your information without strings attached. We’ll come to you if it connects with us.
The Cold Call – This one definitely doesn’t work, so save the dime. Most CIOs I know don’t ever answer their own phone from an external number because it’s almost a sure fact that it will be a cold call. And, telling my Assistant that I asked you to call, I know you, or the ‘Corporate Office’ asked you to call (yes, it happens more than you think!) won’t get by her. She’s heard every story, so don’t bother with the call.
The unexpected ‘gift’ – This one is really interesting. You get some random item in the mail (I once got a remote controlled car…without the remote! You had to have a sales call to get that part!), usually something that you could have lived without, and within a day or so, the calls start coming. I supposed the hope is that you will feel guilty for taking the item (most of the time it is given to someone else) and will take the time to have a meeting with the sales person. Unfortunately, I didn’t ask for the item, and definitely don’t feel obligated to talk with you just because you sent it. Sorry about that!
The repetitive email thread – This is one of my favorite. You get an email from a random sales person, and in it they ask you for some time this week or next, and ask that you just offer them some calendar options so they can reach out. If the emails go unanswered, within two weeks you will get a ‘follow up’ email making sure you didn’t miss the last one. Surely it must have gotten overlooked, but they know how precious your time is. If that email goes unanswered, another one is guaranteed mentioning that they have tried a couple times, and know how busy I am. (In one case, I continued to receive an email from the same sale person [automated I am sure] for over 6 months. In EVERY email, they offered to bring me a toy if I would just meet with them! I finally responded with a friendly note asking them to stop emailing me, and I never heard back from them again. Amazing!)
The ‘I was in the area’ cold call – On more than one occasion, I have gotten a call from the front desk telling me that someone was here to see me. Of course, the name never seems to ring a bell, and I go out front to see who it is. I’m suddenly faced with a sales person who ‘happened to be in the area’ and thought they would just drop by. Of course, calendars are typically booked all day, and stopping to meet with an unexpected visitor just isn’t going to work.

I know there are many other ways that CIOs are contacted, but these are just a few that come to mind. In the spirit of making sure this isn’t a rant, and knowing that you may likely be a sales person who is trying to make a living like the rest of us, let me give you a few ideas of things that may, in fact, work.

The referral – If there is one thing I know about CIOs, we are quick to share wins with each other. If we find a product that works for us, and does what we expected it to do, we ARE going to tell others about it. Our network is generally strong, and we have many opportunities to share successes. I am more likely to be willing to meet with someone who has a product that someone in my network is using and has had success with. So, if you are having success with an organization, ask the CIO to make some recommendations for you. If the product is good, we’ll talk about it and might just call you instead of you having to call us!
Knowledge Curation – Many CIOs are readers. We scour numerous blogs, news feeds and industry magazines looking for new ideas and solutions to the business issues we’re facing. If someone were to be able to curate some of this news into a summary email or feed, without strings attached, I’m likely to read it, and be appreciative of the effort it takes. One such place is HealthSystemCIO.com. It’s a great resource for the latest news and industry issues, attracts a great number of CIOs, and allows us to share with each other. Anthony Guerra and Kate Gamble run an excellent site, and bring some of the latest relevant news to the table. Offering up insights and updates, no strings attached, that can be shared on a site like this goes a long way to generating interest in your product or service. Instead of mailing a tchotchke, put your money into sponsoring a site like this.
Sponsored Forums – Everybody likes to get away from the office every now and then, and having an opportunity to meet with fellow CIOs is always a bonus. Find a way to host a forum that touches on a relevant and timely topic, and you may gain the attention of a room full of CIOs. But, it’s critical that it doesn’t turn into a data gathering exercise for your organization. I know everyone wants to be sure there is an ROI (a conversion in the marketing world) for their efforts. But, you almost have to view this as a community service. Bring folks together, share knowledge, and then let the community reach back to you. If you have been a great advisor and knowledge source, people will call.
Industry Events & Organizations – One of the best ways to get to know a CIO is to get to know them on a personal level. One of the best ways to do this is to get to know them at events that are definitively NOT for selling like an industry gathering. Your local HIMSS Chapter meetings, CHIME events, or other business events are great places to meet CIOs and get to know them. But beware. If you attend these just in hope of making a sale, you might be disappointed and find them quickly backing away from you and heading the other way. The best thing you can do is just get to know them, learn about their organization and them as a person first. Once you have gained that trust, then you can talk about what you have to offer. If you start with the sale, you’ll lose them quickly.

I am sure there are many other effective ways to reach out to the CIO and sell you product. In fact, I’d be willing to be that some organizations might take umbrage with my assessment that cold calls, random emails and other techniques don’t work. And I realize that I might only be speaking for me. But, hopefully this advice will help you connect with the CIO just a little easier!

In the end, it takes all of us to be successful. We need CIOs who can help organizations select the right tools to help their business grow, and we need great products and services to help the organization meet its mission. But, to get that sale, you’ve got to make the right connection with the right person. Try some of these ideas and see if you aren’t more successful.

I’d love to hear from some of the other CIOs. What are the techniques that work best for you? What techniques definitely don’t work?

5 Things You Have To Try If You’re In A Funk

June 5, 2016 By John T Mason Leave a Comment

I had a friend who wasn’t happy. Strange as it might sound that I am telling you this, I think it’s important for you to know why they weren’t happy, because the answer to their unhappiness was deceptively simple. But, while the answer was simple, the execution of the solution wasn’t And that’s where we can all take a lesson.

You see, my friend was in a situation that they wish they weren’t in. I’m sure you’ve been there before as well. What started out as a great thing has morphed. It’s morphed into something that you didn’t foresee, and what you have now looks nothing like what you started with. And that’s hard.

But, in the case of my friend, the reason that things have morphed really had nothing to do with the situation. They had more to do with my friend. Over time, we all change. And while the change is hard, it’s the results of the change that really bother us the most.

In my friend’s case, things looked very different in the moment from where it started. This wasn’t what they expected. I’m not going to share who this is, or even the situation. It’s not important. But, what is important is how they felt, and what they really needed to do about it.

If this were about my friend’s marriage or a personal relationship issue, I would have a completely different set of ideas (or no ideas at all). But, since it’s not, I wanted to share some great advice that I’ve learned over the years that can lead to a greater sense of purpose and connection. Perhaps you know someone like my friend, or maybe it’s you. In any case, here are some words that might help them (or you) get back on track.

Remember that everything is temporary – For any of us, being in the middle of something difficult can seem like it will never end. The unhappiness grows a little at a time. At first, it might be just a sense of minor irritation, or frustration with the place we are. But, over time, the frustration grows, and it starts to seem like we are on a long march with no end in sight. However, everything is temporary, and if you can drive through the tough times now, things definitely will get better.
You play a part in the situation, whether you want to admit it or not – By nature, humans tend to look to outside forces to blame when things aren’t going well. We like to think that external influences are pressing in on us to make us unhappy. What we never seem to do is look at ourselves. After all, we’re in control of ourselves and we wouldn’t be letting this happen, so it must be coming from somewhere else. Right? However, much of our situation is under our direct control. This includes our attitude. The old adage “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional” is true. How we react and respond to a situation will have more influence on our satisfaction that any outside force ever will.
Realize that change is good – I grew up hearing about the proverbial “slippery slope” a lot. Not because the adults in my life were negative, but because they grew up in a generation that valued consistency and tradition above change. The idea of the “slippery slope” is that one small change will inevitably lead to another, then another, and finally to a place that is irrecoverable. As I get older, I certainly have a better perspective on why some changes are bad, but have also realized that by avoiding any change, we end up dying in place. Change just means you are still alive.
Do something – This is the best advice I ever got. When things aren’t going like you planned, the worst thing you can do is to stay in place and hope things will change. This doesn’t always mean leaving the situation behind, or running away from the things that are causing you pain. But, it does mean that sitting there and doing nothing, wallowing in your unhappiness will only continue to grow. You have to have a plan, and then execute on the plan. In the military, we called that “getting off the X”. The idea being that when you are under fire, the first, and most important thing you can do is move and get out of the range of fire. Only then can you get your head about you and reengage. The same thing applies to my friend. Sometimes you have to ‘get off the x’, and fast.
Remember that there is a reason the grass is greener on the other side – We all know what makes grass grow. Just go to a pasture that’s been sprayed with manure and you will see a lovely, flowing field of green! When things have changed, it’s easy to look across the fence and see the lovely grass on the other side, but forget to ask what made it that way. There is no perfect situation, so if you grass seems a bit trampled or worn, remember that it only takes a little time for it to come back (see item #1 above). Instead of moving to a new field when things seem tough, maybe it’s time to look in your own pasture to see how you can spruce it up.

Nobody likes to be unhappy. In fact, we spend most of our waking hours trying to do something that will enable our happiness and lead to a more satisfying life (work, entertainment, friends). But, don’t get caught up thinking that if you are seeing others happy, and you’re not, that they have something going on you don’t. Everyone has their ‘things’. It’s all in how you react to them.

And just to be clear, I do realize that there are sometimes other things going on that lead to unhappiness that can’t be fixed with the advice above. I don’t tell you this as a way to solve the more serious physical and psychological unhappiness and depression that needs the help of good mental health professionals. That’s serious business better left to the professionals.

But, If you are finding yourself to be the one who is unhappy or frustrated, reread this post and ask yourself where to start. If it’s not you, share the ideas with your friend and ask them how you can help them get to a better place.

Go out there and make it a better day today. And if you can’t do it for yourself, make it a better day for someone else. You’ll be amazed what a difference that makes.